THE DAY I SAT STILL, ONCE AGAIN, EVERYDAY.

I never thought that i would sit still again after my best friend left for her career. I never thought anything else could be so painful than my best friend leaving away and we could never hangout again. Chatting with her daily, talking on phone, sharing pictures online seemed to have satisfied me, until the darkness swooped in. It wasn't the darkness of the night or the darkness by blindness. It was the darkness that emanated from the heart, deep inside from the heart. It seemed like the darkness engulfed me and never seemed to leave me.

Friends try to get me out of the darkness. The darkness is so dark that I can't notice the people out there. I don't want to, I guess. My heart just didn't seem to accept that there were other people out there beyond the darkness. It is like my sun disappeared and that there are no moon or stars out there to shine upon me. My solar system's planets crashed into each other and there was no way another could form. I was receiving help from other solar system's but I didn't want it. I want to stay within myself.

A smile that used to never leave my face seemed to have drowned never to resurface like the gigantic Titanic. A enthusiastic, bubbly, young, dynamic and confident girl is now an introvert who barely opens her mouth to talk and who has lost her self-confidence too. Blaming self did the thing for a while, but then the darkness never left. I sat still rewinding all the memories that I ever had and still couldn't smile or atleast smug. People called me up to give me condolences, which were fake, some didn't even offer. But still I sat still, never moving like a statue breathing or a breathing corpse. People shook me from time to time to check on me, but I can never escape the darkness I was left in.

Finally everyone gave up. They didn't remember me nor did they see me. I was one in the crowd. And then in the darkness a single tear shed of my eyes, through my cheeks it came down upon my hands. The cold tear didn't move me but gave way for gallons of other tears and that's the day i sat still, once again, everyday.

SO, JUST LET IT BE

A life so good
seemed a dream
never wanted to end
So just let it be.

But dreams always end
so it had to end
but life didn't end
So just let it be.

I let go him
with smile on my face
with tears in my eyes
So he just let it be.

He left me there
to be with someone else
without a word for me
So I just let it be.

Life didn't end
Dreams did end
I didn't end
So I just let it be.

ONCE IN A LIFETIME

As corporate professionals, most of them miss out those little things in life. Pitter Patter raindrops, road side hot chat or jalebi, fun with friends, long drives with people you love, camping with family, festival time with your loved ones... such things go missing in one's life, after a brief period of time. Going back in time and thinking of those memorable days when you sat beside the special someone, while he/she was chattering non-stop, gets almost unfallen tears. With no fingers to wipe out those and no company to share such beautiful feelings, we lose emotions in our heart.

Without loved one's beside us, life suddenly becomes impossible. Be it best friends moving away, a small tiff with the special someone, fighting with siblings for larger reasons, getting heart broken from someone you haven't expected to break your heart...are examples of small things that might spoil our day. But without these in our life, wouldn't it be kind of boring??? Of course, best friends moving away might give us more tears and it would make life even boring, but we are supposed to learn things from life, aren't we??? Without those small tiff's how would you understand your girl or man better??? Without fighting with your sibling, how could you possibly get closer to them??? Without any of these life would have been impossible, we wouldn't have gotten a chance to learn anything.

But in today's corporate world, everything is almost like a deal, a business deal. Everything happens only for benefit. If the person sees loss, then he wouldn't dare go near it. Most of them are out of love and make deals. Even marriages these days happen on deals. The husband pays the rent, the wife pays for the groceries, he saves, she spends... its like a deal, more than a relation. Most of them fall out of love soon. When there wasn't even love that existed between them, how will they live happily ever after???

Once in a lifetime fall in love, fight with the special someone, get hit or hit your sibling... in short... have fun... remember life is short and we have only one. Whatever you want to do you have to do it in this life. Imagine life ending tomorrow. Or the whole world ending tomorrow. Wouldn't you go out and have fun as much as possible??? Think the same thing every morning. Take a deep breath of the fresh air in your balcony, the sweet scent of today is hanging, think of the special someone waiting for you, your best day waiting for you... and trust me it will be your best day, every day will be a best day. Its the thought that changes everything. So its up to you to decide what you want. The best or not. Remember once in a lifetime you only get to do it once!!!

OW'S AND OUCH'S!!!

A single day hasn't passed since I haven't thought about both my best friends. Busy with their hectic schedules and careers, new friends and new people, carrying on with life and moving with it is what they have learnt in these few weeks, but I am yet to get accustomed to it. Forgetting about your best friends isn't the easiest task. When I felt lonely inside the heart, giving them a text message was more than enough to tell them how much crippling it was inside the heart. The next day we meet at Mc Donalds. Have a lengthy short chat and go back homes and have a short long chat over the phone. I miss these things. Now even if I feel crippling lonely, I can't do anything about it.

Sitting at the bus stop watching the crowd move with their friends, partners; makes you long for your friends now not here. Walking in the piercing raindrops, with no one to even stop you from getting wet because of your sinusitis problem, gives you a real pain in the heart. No one to take care of, no one to ask if you have eaten, no one to question you why the tears even if there is a smile on my face. Miss those small things in life that were so important once upon a time.

People call me childish, when i see those pani puri stalls and jump up. How would they know that three best friends often searched a stall for hours so that they could spend a few extra minutes together? People call me foolish, when i mail my friends everyday or wait for their mails. How would they know that even they are doing exactly the same thing? People call me kid, when my face brighten ups at those small things. How would they know what it means in one's life? The ow's and ouch's the heart makes when u can't relive them, can't be heard till far off places, except those two, who are there, miles and miles away. These minute sounds are difficult to hear. They aren't explicitly made noise's. They come from the heart and can't be even heard by anyone except the person who knows you well.

The smile might be deceiving, but the person who understands that there is really no smile there then you are the luckiest person, because there are very few persons who understand those "ow's and ouch's". Save them in your life. If not today you will require them tomorrow, when you need a shoulder to cry, when you need someone to support you while curing that person who hurt you, to fight with when you are bored, to gossip with when you just need to talk, to text message with when you feel lonely. These small things matter a lot in life. Save them up n save your heart from ow's and ouch's.

UNSPOKEN WORDS AND UNFALLEN TEARS

Unspoken words and unfallen tears are said to be understood only by those who understand you or love you. Then I am the world's unluckiest person. The only three people who understood them have moved on in life. If one left behind the activa her dad was driving other left in the train at exactly 18.30 on september 11th. After three days without her i feel the cocoon that was around me broken. Nothing seems in its place. Everything seems out of order.

Who thought two best friends for life would have to leave each other. Three different girls, three different lives, one story. That's us. We met over on Harry Potter and meaningless dreams, to find a meaning out from life. The other two have found, but its still me who has to chase her dreams. Chasing dreams just doesn't seem enough especially when the dreams are shattered multiple times. Paulo Cohelo has rightly said, "Follow your dreams, or they might never come up again." The same has happened in my case. Too coward, too fragile to carry out and take my dreams forward, I'm left here with my outside protective cocoon breaking.

One who understood me without speaking, one who understood the pain that i was going through even through that smile i always portrayed, both of them are far-far-far away. Mails and phone calls and many statues don't seem enough to get over the bonding we had for four years. It takes more than time for such friendship to end. Distances and misunderstandings never break friendship. If friendship means parting apart from each other, then I'm done with it. Going away from your best of best friends, is almost like breaking up with the person you love, maybe even more than that. The pain of not having your friends beside you when you need them is nothing compared to any pain in the world. This might be understood only by those who are missing their BFF's, because I'm missing them as much as they are missing me. Internal pain inside that heart, the feeling that the whole world is contracting is like hell.

So I dedicate this post to all those who have their friends away from them and are experiencing something similar like I am doing now. People come and leave from life, but best friends also do. How nice it would be if all best friends could be wherever they wanted be together??? Or how nice it would be if all best friends could do whatever they wanted together??? These how's will keep continuing... Dedicated to all bff's...

THE FEELING OF ELATION

Happiness is something that doesn't just come when you are appreciated or you get fruits of your hardwork. A baby's smile, a rose from that unexpected secret crush, a fun filled evening with friends, a nice long chat over phone with your best friend gossiping, pani puri while its pouring cats and dogs, reading a novel under the blanket while everyone else is sleeping, going for movies by lying are the other small things that could bring us happiness. The feeling of elation, happiness, job, gladness lies in such small matters.

When with a baby and while playing with him, he/she might clasp your finger into his tightly. It brings a smile and a moment of satisfaction on your face. It relaxes your mood. Happiness is not something that is given. It is inside us, the way we perceive things. Small things might bring us happiness. Spreading happiness also gives us immense pleasure. Blaming parents for not letting enjoy the smallest of our happiness' doesn't mean we don't have them in our lives. Look around yourself. Think about those things you have, that many persons won't and can't. Little children in orphanages have no parents to live with and wait for someone to take them home. We should be glad we don't need to go through such situations. People beg on streets without clothes, food and shelter. Our parents provide such things for us without even us asking them. Such things might seem small, but in life they are the basic amenities.

Happiness is not just a feeling. Its an institution. You learn to be happy with what you have, without complaining, then you have learnt to live life. Spreading this feeling also gives you immense satisfaction. Imagine a whole bunch of your friends smiling and laughing at that group meet of yours because of you? Doesn't it sound good? Doing that might make you feel even better. Laughing once a day, makes you not only healthy but also makes you confident, builds you up as a real human and a true person. Smile at a random stranger when you see his face all creased up with worries and give them a compliment, it might make their day. When you hit your car or bike to the other one and the person comes to shout at you, whose ever mistake, give a polite and guilty smile and apologize. He might not even curse you. A positive attitude is important in life to make us happy.

If you want something that is against your parents or against the world, instead of fighting, try managing the situation with your patience about why it is good for you. The world is never fair to you. But you should make it fair for yourself. Life is all about compromises. You put something down that means something better must be waiting out there for you. Live life like there is no tomorrow and live with a feeling that the world is yours. All these seem philosophical, but truly applying them in life will make life better. These small things in life which can bring a smile on your face and make you happy should be realized. There is a happiness in your life everyday. We ignore them mainly thinking of our problems, which aren't as big as the happiness' that exist in our life.

All my post are hardly read by a few people, mostly five or eight people. I want them to spread the institution of happiness among their friends - to enjoy those small happiness' in life which carry a great significance, rather than small problems which are made bigger by thinking. A wise person would love to see his friends and family and himself happy. So, with a feeling of elation of making others happy, let's be happy.

THE DAY I SAT STILL

Tears flowed out of eyes as I saw her for the last time. She sat there behind her father on the Activa. I couldn't believe it was the last time I would be seeing her. Who dreamt the two best friends for life would get separated? She was everything a friend could have. A telepathy link sure existed between us. When I needed a shoulder she lent me hers without me telling her. Whenever i needed to share a happy moment she was always present. How she knew about all these, could possibly never be explained. A brother to tease, a sister to fight, a parent to advice, she did everything she could.

At college, we weren't exactly what you called best friends forever. We too had the meanest of the fights. While I was the enthusiastic and sportive one, she stood in the corner watching everything carefully and not getting involved, but still getting noticed. She was the one with whom I could share the deepest of my darkest secrets. Just four years of sharing a classroom made us the bestest of friends. Sharing a burger due to lack of funds. Understanding each others necessity became our priority for quite a while. Our discussion over if Hogwarts were true still gets tears in my eyes. The long talks over the phone about Harry Potter, Edward Cullen and other things cannot be left behind so easily. Who else could understand if I said the guy across the escalator was cute and smart and was staring at me? A girl can understand one. No one else could. Sitting at our favorite place of our restaurant and having delicious burger and French fries was something that we called heaven and no one else could give that. Sulking over silly issues, complaining about little things, crying over something that was over are somethings we did. When two best friends got together, what are the possible things that could be done? Let me tell you, cutting vegetables to make noodles, watching Harry Potter while drinking orange squash, discussing about future, planning to open books from the starting of next semester blah blah blah...

When her visa got confirmed and she said she was leaving, I was happy for her, but a small part of my heart was trembling. Who would do all these things after her with me? My mind ran like a race mill searching for persons whom i could share my deepest of darkest secrets. Finally the day arrived when she had to leave. Her bags packed, her heart heavy, tears that never came out, but with the possibility of flowing out. She came out to bid me goodbye. We clutched each others hands tightly for the one last time. Her dad stood there looking at us. I crossed the road waiting in the bus stop for the last time from her home towards my home. She sat behind her dad on the Activa for the last minute shopping. As she passed me she moved me goodbye. Like in a typical Bollywood movie, we both were moving apart going far away from each other.

As I reached home I realized my heart was longing to be with her, my best friend who would be leaving. I sat on the couch thinking of our best moments together. I sat watching TV until 1. At 1.49 I spoke to her once for the last time. As soon as she truncated the call tears poured out of my eyes. I gave a quick glance at all my contacts in my list and realized i had no one to console me and no one to fill the gap and then i found me sitting still (which is quite impossible) and the world around me moving. I was left alone with just the memories to live with for another year or maybe until I found a new friend (which isn't quite a decent possibility).

So i dedicate this post to my best friend forever for making my life lively and colorful and being there for me when i required someone. I will miss her surely but I am happy for her wonderful future and the courageous decision she's taken. Fresh tears start pouring as i cling to her passport size photo that i managed to get hold. Tears that no one has been able to stop as of till now. That day for the first time I really sat still.