FRIENDSHIP IN POST MARRIAGE

Trust me, after marriage everything is about you, your husband and your home. Everything is always about you. At a point you might think that you are being selfish, but that's how marriage is, though it isn't necessary that it should be that way. It always depends on you and your nature whether you wanted to be known as the women who is interested only in her life or the women who is generous and is friends with many a few people. The problem with most married women is something I can relate to.

There was a forward mail a few years ago saying, 'choose your friends in your teens with whom you can share the rest of your lives with'. I never believed or understood it at that time, but now I understand it as clear as I wouldn't want to. My life has been ruled by myself or my parents for most of the time. Never had friends over for sleepovers and was never invited to one, probably because I was supposed to be one of the delirious, dazed, forgetful and a many other kind of kid. I never understood myself and never understood why people thought of me in that way. So, anyway I spent most of my childhood friendless and alone. But in college things started to change and I had friends whom I could talk to and had a very good time.

But after the four years of college, things changed as they should. Careers came between us before we even realized it. Before we could know, we were so far from each other, physically and emotionally that connecting with each other became an issue and slowly it was like we never knew each other before. It is important after marriage, that you have friends with whom you can go and have a girls day out. It is very important to have friends for a successful married life. Most couples move to different cities or sometimes even countries where you hardly know anyone. The probability of having a relative or friend in a new city or a country is very low and you end up more lonely than before if you are not a working person.

You want friends, but sadly all your friends are else where in some other city or country too busy with their lives to bother or ask about yours. The new friends of your spouse have their own friends and wouldn't like a new person in their group. It is very important that you maintain your friends even with the distances or the personal relationships or mental problems you are going through. It is good to have a friend other than your husband to talk to and have a person to talk to when you need. Another number on your extensive contacts wouldn't cause you harm, but will give you the confidence that you have someone to talk to during your troubled girl time.

I HAVE NEVER FELT THIS WAY BEFORE

I don't know what's wrong with me 
I have never felt this way before
Very lonely and glum
I laugh at jokes cracked 
but it seems shallow 
and sounds new to me
I smile at my friends 
but it seems empty
it never reaches my eyes
I'm not sad enough to cry
there are no tears 
but still i'm not happy 
it's empty down there
from the bowels of my heart 
it's so shallow and hollow 
tears don't come 
nor does a genuine smile
dreams do not come 
nor does sleep
i stare at the fan 
with hope to dream and sleep
no shoulder to cry on 
no hand to hold 
no one to hug me 
when i want them for me
I don't know what's wrong with me
i have never felt this way before 
very lonely and glum

CORPORATE-D

Tap-Tap on the keyboard,
click-click on the mouse,
pitter-patter rain drops on the window,
I look around.
Straight spinal cords,
never blinking of the eyes,
continuously tapping on the keyboard,
I let out a sigh.
 The day ends,
I walk out,
I look outside
There's only dark and the moon.
Mechanical it is,
Robotic life we live,
an occasional party,
to regenerate the battery.
Till when is this,
a life with no laughter or smiles?
Till when is this,
a life with no love or life?
Doomsday is close,
but everyday ends in gloom.
Live life like there's no tomorrow,
Recharge the battery everyday,
It might be the last day,  
but we could take away,
happiness and brightness
instead of sadness and darkness
See the life like you never have,
Live the life like you can never have.

SOMETHING MORE THAN LOVE

I take a deep breath and stare outside of my balcony; it's dark outside, very dark. I sigh loudly as my mom gives me a stare and continues doing her work and my little heart smiles at my mom and continues to think about what it shouldn't. Being in love might be wonderful, but being far away from the person you love is dreadful. Ask me about a long distance relationship; i'm talking about intra-continent; two different continents, different time zones, different latitude, different longitude, different currencies and everything else is different. Except our love for each other, i guess. I wish i could do something about the distance.

It's something more than love that pulls me towards him. His magic so deep that enchants me into a coma of him that i can never come out of. He mesmerizes me with his talk, with his charms. His words baffles me. I love him so much that love seems like a very small word. The world is small and my love for him is bigger. There is something in him, what is that something i cannot tell because it's very tough because i myself don't know what it is. I love him deeply so deep that there's no ocean so deeper. I love him madly that there's no other person so madder. I love him irrevocably that there's nothing that can reverse my love for him. Expectation is a bad thing, but it does great wonders when your expectations come true. 

It's right that i keep expecting from him, why is it wrong to expect from the person i love? Is it wrong if i expect the person i love to love me back? Is it wrong if i expect the person i care for to care for me too? I guess not! The greatest thing about love is before you realize you are head over heels for that person and that person makes u feel the same way. The worst thing is to miss him. I miss him so badly that no chocolate in the world can reduce it. No one else's hug can take away the pain from my heart. His words too do not offer me solace anymore. The only relief i could get his hug, a bear tight hug. Love is a word that's something too little for what i feel for him - it's Something More than Love!!!

PAIN

As the hot air hits me
like i have entered a furnace
i cry in pain
that's in my heart
barely noticing
my burning skin
i look up into the air
with tears in my eyes
pleading to have mercy
to remove the pain
not the pain that you see
it's that pain
which is not perceived
but is painful
which cannot be guessed
but is painful
a pain so deep
cannot be ended
cannot be stopped
cannot be cured
by the magic of medicines
or by magic itself
I pray to God
to relieve me off the pain
to give me strength
to fight it to break it
to overcome it
with all my courage
to help me
fight off the PAIN

THE VALUE OF FRIENDSHIP

I was wondering over and over again; that though i have huge list of friends, why my close knitted group is so less, or i would rather say no one in that group or gang. And it came hitting me, like an avalanche on a silent hill. The mistake lies in me. I am the reason I'm not in any gang or group. I'm alone savoring the taste and benefits of life without being able to share with anyone else. Is it so necessary to have a close knit group? To have a bunch of friends always by your side? Won't one person fulfill the need of being a best friend and the whole gang and console you and be by you when you need? I guess not! Before today I thought people were unlucky of not having me in their group and gang. I went around saying the same thing, but now i know better. Now I know that people are happier without me and merrier. No one wants a loud, outspoken, over-outgoing person, over-friendly and whatever blah blah blah person as part of their precious little group. No wonder my friends (or so-called) are happier than me. No one wants a frank person as part of their gang. No one wants a person who tells them the truth on their face. They want a sweet, innocent person to be their best friend which I'm not. Should I change and be a hypocrite??? Should i act and tell people that they are doing a great job when they are actually making themselves look like a fool??? Should i tell that they are great friends when they actually ruined what was set for me???? Should i tell them they are wonderful human beings after they hurt a human just for the fun for it??? Questions remain without answers. This blog is unread hence I'm posting what comes to my mind first. If it means lying gives us great friends, then I'm better without them. I'm glad i have no friends or a gang to boast about. I have myself to me. I might not know the value of friendship, but i do well know what it is to be a human. If any one has read this post. Thank you sir/madam. No one ever reads this blog hence it's more expressive. And no offence to any one. I'm glad i have very few friends and those whom i can rely on and i really hope they speak the truth and actually save the value of friendship.

THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS

When i first saw the movie titled the same, I had tears at the end of the movie. No one gets anything so easily. When i had something that made me happy, I thought that was it and nothing else in the world can be more perfect in my life than that moment itself. Little did I realize, that life unfolds many unseen things to you in the coming days. After the day I found happiness (At least I thought so), I started experiencing the worst pain ever. I don't think no one ever described it ever in any movie or any poem or any story. As a matter of fact no one ever wants to write about it. It's called rejection. When some one rejects you out from their life, the pain that you experience is way much more than anything in the world.


Everyone lives in this world for one reason; to be eventually happy. Everyone wants a "happily-ever-after", but no one gets it. A happy ending hardly exists. Every human dies with a regret, that he/she hadn't been able to do something they wanted to do all their life. When I was a kid all I wanted to do was get a job and make lots of money give that to my parents. I thought happiness was in that. But, today when I'm doing all of it, I'm still not happy. Reason- REJECTION!!! Don't ask me who rejected me, cause every other person I have and had met has rejected me. It's like the whole world has turned their back against me. I was happy when I was in school and had no friends and had to eat lunch alone. Today I have countless number of friends and still I sit alone in my office cafeteria and eat alone and feel so bloody damn sad.


Why is it that we meet people? Why is that we never understand each other and end up fighting and breaking up? What's the whole point? I'll tell you the whole point. It's to warn you. One day some one breaks your heart, the next day you break, instead of just ignoring this we are supposed to take that as experience and be careful the next time. We meet hundreds of people in our whole life and end up being in contact with a very few people. When you don't stay in contact what's the whole point in making friends?


Friends, today we might have a lot of people in life, but there will be one day when there's no one with you and you are left all alone and that's not the moment to sit and cry. Go out, discover yourself, do things you've never done, eat things you'll never eat. Smile at a total stranger, make someone else happy. What if you aren't happy? Make someone else happy! Live for others than yourself. Happiness my friends,doesn't come searching for you. You need to pursuit it until you find it and that doesn't end there. Even after you've found it you need to make sure the pursuit has been worth. You need to make happiness stay with you. Don't ever let your hard work get away. Your happiness is the reward for what you have been doing till date. Keep smiling and keep pursuiting happiness!!!