I HAVE NEVER FELT THIS WAY BEFORE

I don't know what's wrong with me 
I have never felt this way before
Very lonely and glum
I laugh at jokes cracked 
but it seems shallow 
and sounds new to me
I smile at my friends 
but it seems empty
it never reaches my eyes
I'm not sad enough to cry
there are no tears 
but still i'm not happy 
it's empty down there
from the bowels of my heart 
it's so shallow and hollow 
tears don't come 
nor does a genuine smile
dreams do not come 
nor does sleep
i stare at the fan 
with hope to dream and sleep
no shoulder to cry on 
no hand to hold 
no one to hug me 
when i want them for me
I don't know what's wrong with me
i have never felt this way before 
very lonely and glum

CORPORATE-D

Tap-Tap on the keyboard,
click-click on the mouse,
pitter-patter rain drops on the window,
I look around.
Straight spinal cords,
never blinking of the eyes,
continuously tapping on the keyboard,
I let out a sigh.
 The day ends,
I walk out,
I look outside
There's only dark and the moon.
Mechanical it is,
Robotic life we live,
an occasional party,
to regenerate the battery.
Till when is this,
a life with no laughter or smiles?
Till when is this,
a life with no love or life?
Doomsday is close,
but everyday ends in gloom.
Live life like there's no tomorrow,
Recharge the battery everyday,
It might be the last day,  
but we could take away,
happiness and brightness
instead of sadness and darkness
See the life like you never have,
Live the life like you can never have.

SOMETHING MORE THAN LOVE

I take a deep breath and stare outside of my balcony; it's dark outside, very dark. I sigh loudly as my mom gives me a stare and continues doing her work and my little heart smiles at my mom and continues to think about what it shouldn't. Being in love might be wonderful, but being far away from the person you love is dreadful. Ask me about a long distance relationship; i'm talking about intra-continent; two different continents, different time zones, different latitude, different longitude, different currencies and everything else is different. Except our love for each other, i guess. I wish i could do something about the distance.

It's something more than love that pulls me towards him. His magic so deep that enchants me into a coma of him that i can never come out of. He mesmerizes me with his talk, with his charms. His words baffles me. I love him so much that love seems like a very small word. The world is small and my love for him is bigger. There is something in him, what is that something i cannot tell because it's very tough because i myself don't know what it is. I love him deeply so deep that there's no ocean so deeper. I love him madly that there's no other person so madder. I love him irrevocably that there's nothing that can reverse my love for him. Expectation is a bad thing, but it does great wonders when your expectations come true. 

It's right that i keep expecting from him, why is it wrong to expect from the person i love? Is it wrong if i expect the person i love to love me back? Is it wrong if i expect the person i care for to care for me too? I guess not! The greatest thing about love is before you realize you are head over heels for that person and that person makes u feel the same way. The worst thing is to miss him. I miss him so badly that no chocolate in the world can reduce it. No one else's hug can take away the pain from my heart. His words too do not offer me solace anymore. The only relief i could get his hug, a bear tight hug. Love is a word that's something too little for what i feel for him - it's Something More than Love!!!

PAIN

As the hot air hits me
like i have entered a furnace
i cry in pain
that's in my heart
barely noticing
my burning skin
i look up into the air
with tears in my eyes
pleading to have mercy
to remove the pain
not the pain that you see
it's that pain
which is not perceived
but is painful
which cannot be guessed
but is painful
a pain so deep
cannot be ended
cannot be stopped
cannot be cured
by the magic of medicines
or by magic itself
I pray to God
to relieve me off the pain
to give me strength
to fight it to break it
to overcome it
with all my courage
to help me
fight off the PAIN

THE VALUE OF FRIENDSHIP

I was wondering over and over again; that though i have huge list of friends, why my close knitted group is so less, or i would rather say no one in that group or gang. And it came hitting me, like an avalanche on a silent hill. The mistake lies in me. I am the reason I'm not in any gang or group. I'm alone savoring the taste and benefits of life without being able to share with anyone else. Is it so necessary to have a close knit group? To have a bunch of friends always by your side? Won't one person fulfill the need of being a best friend and the whole gang and console you and be by you when you need? I guess not! Before today I thought people were unlucky of not having me in their group and gang. I went around saying the same thing, but now i know better. Now I know that people are happier without me and merrier. No one wants a loud, outspoken, over-outgoing person, over-friendly and whatever blah blah blah person as part of their precious little group. No wonder my friends (or so-called) are happier than me. No one wants a frank person as part of their gang. No one wants a person who tells them the truth on their face. They want a sweet, innocent person to be their best friend which I'm not. Should I change and be a hypocrite??? Should i act and tell people that they are doing a great job when they are actually making themselves look like a fool??? Should i tell that they are great friends when they actually ruined what was set for me???? Should i tell them they are wonderful human beings after they hurt a human just for the fun for it??? Questions remain without answers. This blog is unread hence I'm posting what comes to my mind first. If it means lying gives us great friends, then I'm better without them. I'm glad i have no friends or a gang to boast about. I have myself to me. I might not know the value of friendship, but i do well know what it is to be a human. If any one has read this post. Thank you sir/madam. No one ever reads this blog hence it's more expressive. And no offence to any one. I'm glad i have very few friends and those whom i can rely on and i really hope they speak the truth and actually save the value of friendship.

THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS

When i first saw the movie titled the same, I had tears at the end of the movie. No one gets anything so easily. When i had something that made me happy, I thought that was it and nothing else in the world can be more perfect in my life than that moment itself. Little did I realize, that life unfolds many unseen things to you in the coming days. After the day I found happiness (At least I thought so), I started experiencing the worst pain ever. I don't think no one ever described it ever in any movie or any poem or any story. As a matter of fact no one ever wants to write about it. It's called rejection. When some one rejects you out from their life, the pain that you experience is way much more than anything in the world.


Everyone lives in this world for one reason; to be eventually happy. Everyone wants a "happily-ever-after", but no one gets it. A happy ending hardly exists. Every human dies with a regret, that he/she hadn't been able to do something they wanted to do all their life. When I was a kid all I wanted to do was get a job and make lots of money give that to my parents. I thought happiness was in that. But, today when I'm doing all of it, I'm still not happy. Reason- REJECTION!!! Don't ask me who rejected me, cause every other person I have and had met has rejected me. It's like the whole world has turned their back against me. I was happy when I was in school and had no friends and had to eat lunch alone. Today I have countless number of friends and still I sit alone in my office cafeteria and eat alone and feel so bloody damn sad.


Why is it that we meet people? Why is that we never understand each other and end up fighting and breaking up? What's the whole point? I'll tell you the whole point. It's to warn you. One day some one breaks your heart, the next day you break, instead of just ignoring this we are supposed to take that as experience and be careful the next time. We meet hundreds of people in our whole life and end up being in contact with a very few people. When you don't stay in contact what's the whole point in making friends?


Friends, today we might have a lot of people in life, but there will be one day when there's no one with you and you are left all alone and that's not the moment to sit and cry. Go out, discover yourself, do things you've never done, eat things you'll never eat. Smile at a total stranger, make someone else happy. What if you aren't happy? Make someone else happy! Live for others than yourself. Happiness my friends,doesn't come searching for you. You need to pursuit it until you find it and that doesn't end there. Even after you've found it you need to make sure the pursuit has been worth. You need to make happiness stay with you. Don't ever let your hard work get away. Your happiness is the reward for what you have been doing till date. Keep smiling and keep pursuiting happiness!!!

THE CHENNAI EXPRESS

Guess it was around four weeks ago, it was my best friend Genius' birthday and we planned to celebrate it in Chennai with my other best friend who was back from abroad. So we planned to meet at Babes place for lunch and then head out for some shopping. That weekend was awesome and I just can't forget it. I envy Genius for having to get her birthday celebrated with both her best friends. Damn man! If life was so simple, I and Genius traveled on the same train to get to Hyderabad from Chennai - The Charminar Express, but while coming back we couldn't get on the same train. I was travelling by Chennai Express and she by Egmore Express. Both of us felt very bad for not having to travel in the same train again.


So, there began my journey on the Chennai Express alone. Okay, not quite alone! My parents with my grandmother were there on the same train but in a different compartment. I tried to time pass for sometime sitting alone, I opened a novel, closed it; started listening to songs; stopped. Finally, bugged up, I called Babes just to time pass for a while. I spoke to her until my balance got over. It was time the train started to its destination. The berths beside me and opposite to me were empty. The side berths were occupied by two guys who were eating since I boarded the train and still wouldn’t stop. Finally a guy came and sat opposite me, at 5’9 and very fair he seemed kind of cute. Finally, again bugged up I plugged in my ear phones and started singing out loudly. The guy opposite to me started at me as if I were a buffalo, as if I cared.


He gave me small smile, a smile that read she’s-a-kid-smile and I gave him a look saying mind-your-own-business-pervert. But then after some time due to dead bore-ness I smiled again, and this time he stroke up a conversation. We went on talking and then at Secunderabad my inter friend boarded the train. He called me up saying he’ll come to me after the ticket collector verifies his ticket. So this guy opposite to me, his name is Pavan and we went on talking for what seemed like hours and then my inter friend, Vijay Anand, came and sat with us. Three of us chatted for what seemed like a few minutes and then we were joined by Vijay Anand’s colleague Narasimha. Four of us had loads of fun talking about stupid topics.


Then finally rats were running around in our stomach’s and we realized that we were damn hungry. But our luck was so bad that no vendor came to sell anything and we starved for a while, until Vijay Anand remembered he got dinner of four chapathi’s and it was in his bag which was in another compartment. So he went and got his bag and opened the chapathi’s and all four us huddled together and ate them. Each of us had one and then relaxed for a while, resuming our talks. After a few minutes, the vendors came n we got a lots of junk food to eat. My aunt who lives in Guntur which is like mid-way between Hyderabad and Guntur promised to provide me with dinner. So I promised my three friends that we can share my dinner among ourselves.


All four of us were eagerly waiting for Guntur to arrive so that we can eat the dinner. My aunt promised me a delicious dinner over phone. So, our minds made up the most delicious dinner’s of all. Finally Guntur arrived and my aunt got my dinner. It wasn’t the most luxurious as we imagined, but was the most simple and delicious of all. We ate it until we couldn’t eat any more and finally we completed whatever was there in the packet.


A journey to take me back to the corporate world, gave me two new friends. We exchanged numbers and e-mail id’s and promised to stay in touch. A week after that, Pavan made me his darling little sister. Well, of course, I am the Princess, but I had no idea that people found me so annoyingly cute and like a kid. People might question me, how can I trust a person I met on a train! But, I don’t trust everyone I meet, I just ended meeting a cute brother, who cared of me as much as an own brother does. So I can never forget that journey on THE CHENNAI EXPRESS.