I HAVE NEVER FELT THIS WAY BEFORE

I don't know what's wrong with me 
I have never felt this way before
Very lonely and glum
I laugh at jokes cracked 
but it seems shallow 
and sounds new to me
I smile at my friends 
but it seems empty
it never reaches my eyes
I'm not sad enough to cry
there are no tears 
but still i'm not happy 
it's empty down there
from the bowels of my heart 
it's so shallow and hollow 
tears don't come 
nor does a genuine smile
dreams do not come 
nor does sleep
i stare at the fan 
with hope to dream and sleep
no shoulder to cry on 
no hand to hold 
no one to hug me 
when i want them for me
I don't know what's wrong with me
i have never felt this way before 
very lonely and glum

CORPORATE-D

Tap-Tap on the keyboard,
click-click on the mouse,
pitter-patter rain drops on the window,
I look around.
Straight spinal cords,
never blinking of the eyes,
continuously tapping on the keyboard,
I let out a sigh.
 The day ends,
I walk out,
I look outside
There's only dark and the moon.
Mechanical it is,
Robotic life we live,
an occasional party,
to regenerate the battery.
Till when is this,
a life with no laughter or smiles?
Till when is this,
a life with no love or life?
Doomsday is close,
but everyday ends in gloom.
Live life like there's no tomorrow,
Recharge the battery everyday,
It might be the last day,  
but we could take away,
happiness and brightness
instead of sadness and darkness
See the life like you never have,
Live the life like you can never have.

SOMETHING MORE THAN LOVE

I take a deep breath and stare outside of my balcony; it's dark outside, very dark. I sigh loudly as my mom gives me a stare and continues doing her work and my little heart smiles at my mom and continues to think about what it shouldn't. Being in love might be wonderful, but being far away from the person you love is dreadful. Ask me about a long distance relationship; i'm talking about intra-continent; two different continents, different time zones, different latitude, different longitude, different currencies and everything else is different. Except our love for each other, i guess. I wish i could do something about the distance.

It's something more than love that pulls me towards him. His magic so deep that enchants me into a coma of him that i can never come out of. He mesmerizes me with his talk, with his charms. His words baffles me. I love him so much that love seems like a very small word. The world is small and my love for him is bigger. There is something in him, what is that something i cannot tell because it's very tough because i myself don't know what it is. I love him deeply so deep that there's no ocean so deeper. I love him madly that there's no other person so madder. I love him irrevocably that there's nothing that can reverse my love for him. Expectation is a bad thing, but it does great wonders when your expectations come true. 

It's right that i keep expecting from him, why is it wrong to expect from the person i love? Is it wrong if i expect the person i love to love me back? Is it wrong if i expect the person i care for to care for me too? I guess not! The greatest thing about love is before you realize you are head over heels for that person and that person makes u feel the same way. The worst thing is to miss him. I miss him so badly that no chocolate in the world can reduce it. No one else's hug can take away the pain from my heart. His words too do not offer me solace anymore. The only relief i could get his hug, a bear tight hug. Love is a word that's something too little for what i feel for him - it's Something More than Love!!!

PAIN

As the hot air hits me
like i have entered a furnace
i cry in pain
that's in my heart
barely noticing
my burning skin
i look up into the air
with tears in my eyes
pleading to have mercy
to remove the pain
not the pain that you see
it's that pain
which is not perceived
but is painful
which cannot be guessed
but is painful
a pain so deep
cannot be ended
cannot be stopped
cannot be cured
by the magic of medicines
or by magic itself
I pray to God
to relieve me off the pain
to give me strength
to fight it to break it
to overcome it
with all my courage
to help me
fight off the PAIN

THE VALUE OF FRIENDSHIP

I was wondering over and over again; that though i have huge list of friends, why my close knitted group is so less, or i would rather say no one in that group or gang. And it came hitting me, like an avalanche on a silent hill. The mistake lies in me. I am the reason I'm not in any gang or group. I'm alone savoring the taste and benefits of life without being able to share with anyone else. Is it so necessary to have a close knit group? To have a bunch of friends always by your side? Won't one person fulfill the need of being a best friend and the whole gang and console you and be by you when you need? I guess not! Before today I thought people were unlucky of not having me in their group and gang. I went around saying the same thing, but now i know better. Now I know that people are happier without me and merrier. No one wants a loud, outspoken, over-outgoing person, over-friendly and whatever blah blah blah person as part of their precious little group. No wonder my friends (or so-called) are happier than me. No one wants a frank person as part of their gang. No one wants a person who tells them the truth on their face. They want a sweet, innocent person to be their best friend which I'm not. Should I change and be a hypocrite??? Should i act and tell people that they are doing a great job when they are actually making themselves look like a fool??? Should i tell that they are great friends when they actually ruined what was set for me???? Should i tell them they are wonderful human beings after they hurt a human just for the fun for it??? Questions remain without answers. This blog is unread hence I'm posting what comes to my mind first. If it means lying gives us great friends, then I'm better without them. I'm glad i have no friends or a gang to boast about. I have myself to me. I might not know the value of friendship, but i do well know what it is to be a human. If any one has read this post. Thank you sir/madam. No one ever reads this blog hence it's more expressive. And no offence to any one. I'm glad i have very few friends and those whom i can rely on and i really hope they speak the truth and actually save the value of friendship.